Talking to Teens about Sexuality
Communicating to Prevent Negative Consequences of Sexual Choices
Jan 13, 2008
A high percentage of teenagers have their first sexual experience before age eighteen. Many still have sex unprepared for the physical and emotional consequences. Although feelings are often hurt in intimate relationships and the unexpected occurs, there are steps one can take to make one's teenager's sexual decisions less traumatic.
Keep Communication Open
While one as a parent may prefer one's teenager to wait until she or he is older or married before they engage in sexual activity, they may not share your beliefs. Any judgment of their choices will close communicative possibilities. Listening to them leads to increased trust in the relationship. Answering their questions as informatively and directly as possible will give them the tools they need to make wise decisions.
Meg Hickling, a sexual health educator in Vancouver, suggests that talking to one's teens when they are “a captive audience” helps. Letting them raise the topic in the car, during a walk, or while you both work in the kitchen or yard is more likely to lead to a good discussion than interrupting television or computer time. If one's teens feel one is a communicative mentor to them, they are less likely to make poor sexual choices.
Emphasize Body Awareness
Teenagers should not be having sex if they are not taking care of their health or are fearful of their sexuality. Getting a good night's sleep, eating healthy foods and regularly exercising should ideally be part of their daily routine. If they don't care about themselves, they are likely to become involved in unhealthy sexual relationships. Talk to them about how doing alcohol and drugs not only affects one's health, but also one's ability to make safe sexual choices.
They should be aware of their biological makeup, including menstruation and procreation processes. They must be able to talk about sexuality without embarrassment or shame. Additionally, masturbation is a positive activity when it assists adolescents to better understand their bodies. Through solitary self-pleasuring, they will begin to comprehend their physicality and their desires. If they are going to engage in sex, it should create pleasure, not pain.
Prevent Negative Consequences
Teenagers should know about birth control, STDs, pregnancy and abusive relationships before they become sexually active. Both young men and women need to be aware of their contraceptive options. Understanding how effective each method is, what the side effects are and which prevent STDs is very important. Realizing that it's the responsibility of both partners in the sexual encounter is also key.
Sexually active teenagers should have STD tests and, for girls, Pap Smears, once a year. As pregnancy is always a possibility, the morning after pill, abortion and other options should be discussed. One's teenager is more likely to take steps to avoid consequences if she or he fully comprehend what these are.
Crucially, the adolescent should be conscious of negative forms of behaviour in relationships. These include sexual pressuring, sexual gossip, and sexual forms of abuse, from being used to being raped. If they can gauge the warning signs of abuse in an encounter, they will be more proactive. As the Sexuality and U.com site reminds, to reduce the likelihood of STDs and abuse, “monogamy is much safer.” And while supporting the sexual choices teens make, there's nothing wrong with also letting them know that abstinence is another option.
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