There are things a parent can do to prepare both themselves and their child for that heady experience known as dating. This is likely one of the most anxious periods for each family member and a lot can go wrong very quickly. Like any other relationship, communication between parents and children is important. Here are a few ways to approach the subject and establish at least a modicum of understanding between you.
Set Age Limits and Other Rules Early
Age limits and curfews should be established before your child begins to enter puberty. What age to allow your child to start dating is going to be very individual, even between siblings. Girls tend to mature emotionally earlier than boys yet both sexes should be encouraged to wait until they’ve established certain personal boundaries for themselves. Be prepared for rebellion if your youngster has decided that they are ready before you are. Group dates and chaperoning are good approaches for first excursions and work especially well as a compromise for those early bloomers in your life. Your child may not like such a close eye being kept on them, but it’s usually best to monitor these beginning stages of courtship.
Greet Your Child's Choices with an Open Mind
Once your child is ready to solo, request to meet each new sweetheart as soon as possible. Be prepared for shocks and try not to overreact. Goth, punk, gangsta and other looks are usually just that – looks. Spiked haircuts, heavy make-up, multiple piercings, and a plethora of other bizarre appearances are the least of your worries. Teens are testing their boundaries and will put on all sorts of outfits and attitudes in order to get a rise out of the adults around them as well as to fit in with their particular cliques. Get to know the person beneath the costume.
You might be surprised that the young man or woman with the all-black attire and matching thick mascara is actually one of the sweetest, most polite young persons you’ve ever met while conversely the straight arrow might come across a bit gruff or even rude. And even these first impressions can be misleading since what is presented may actually be an act to appease their potential mate’s family or is perhaps a nervous reaction to the stress of trying to impress. Meet each prospective beau more than once to get a better idea of overall mentality and temperament.
Deal with Your Teenager's Sexuality
Sex is another matter and should be addressed in each household according to whatever moral standards apply. Keeping in mind that while the ideal is for an individual to wait until they achieve marital status or at the very least reach a certain standard of age and maturity, in many cases this is simply not going to happen. Experimenting of various kinds is going to take place in many caases as the child-turning-adult stretches their way into unfamiliar territory or pushes against previous limits, especially once they are out from under their parents' watchful eyes. Rebellion, especially for a juvenile who has been strictly monitored until now, will most likely become the norm.
There is also the very addicting allure of the activity itself. Religious and other beliefs notwithstanding, biological urges are difficult to ignore, even for more mature adults. Teens are already in the midst of strong biochemical changes which can be both intoxicating and confusing, causing their ability to make good decisions that much harder. Ill-conceived actions abound, especially in regard to how they behave around their peers and even more so when they first experience the siren call of love and or lust’s heady voices. Be prepared for the possibility that your child may fall from grace.
Try to Understand That Your Child is Growing Up
Do your best to be there for your child, but try not to take it too hard if your young adult does not wish to discuss things with you or disagrees with your observations and wisdom. That teenaged independent streak is bound to raise its head and refute anything and everything you have to say, especially when it comes to so personal a choice as who they decide to get closer to and how they decide to do it. Continue to make attempts to talk to them, however, even if they rebuff you repeatedly. At least you’ll know that you’ve done your best to offer guidance and love. During these crazy years, especially as they experience their first heart breaks, they are going to need you more than ever, even if they claim otherwise.
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